WELCOME
In February of 2008 I was diagnosed with an incurable terminal lung illness, though God promised me a full and complete healing. While we wait for His timing, we're taking it one day at a time, and standing in awe of how God's using all of this for His glory. The tough road we've traveled has given us a new perspective on the fragility of life. Memories are more important to us than ever before. The goal of this blog is to share some of our family life - the ups and downs, the joys and probably some of the pains as well. It's mostly meant as a personal journal of sorts, but you're welcome to share in it. We'd like to take this opportunity to say ...
WELCOME TO THE FEITNER ADVENTURE!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Ouchie
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Penelope
I've shared at least one other of Waterhouse's paintings with you already. Here is another of my favorites. Penelope and the Suitors was painted in 1912.In Homer's Odyssey, Penelope is the faithful wife of Odysseus (the king of Ithaca), who keeps her suitors at bay in his long absence and so is eventually rejoined with him. (His character was known as Ulysses in Roman mythology.) She has only one son by Odysseus, Telemachus, who was born just before Odysseus was called to fight in the Trojan War. She waits twenty years for the final return of her husband, during which she has a hard time snubbing marriage proposals from 108 suitors. On Odysseus's return, disguised as an old beggar, he finds that Penelope has remained faithful. She has devised tricks to delay her suitors, one of which is to pretend to be weaving a burial shroud for Odysseus's elderly father Laertes, and claiming that she will choose a suitor when she has finished. Every night for three years, she undoes part of the shroud, until some unfaithful maidens discover her chicanery and reveal it to the suitors. Because of her efforts to put off remarriage, Penelope is often seen as a symbol of connubial fidelity.
(note: descriptions taken from Wikipedia)
Busted!
Cake Treasure Hunt
The cake is missing! It's hidden from view.
If you want your dessert, then here's what you do:
Follow the clues, they'll lead you to more.
To find your next clue, look by the front door!
Go fast as you can - there's no time to slouch!
You'll find your next clue by the living room couch.
The next clue is simple, it's not hard at all.
Look in the closet in the downstairs hall.
A clue - a clue - where can one be?
I think there's one hidden by the big t.v.
It's not a trick. It's not a trap.
Just look where you give your food a zap!
You've listened so well to what I've said,
That I'll make this quite simple - the clue's in the shed.
It's a clue you want, a clue that you seek.
Go to the pantry and take a peek!
Get moving now - quick as a crab.
Look on the treadmill, and it's a clue you'll nab.
When you're in the office, there's a closet you'll see.
And that's where the next clue will be.
You've reached the last clue - it's dessert you deserve.
You'll find the cake on the table - ready to serve!
Friday, January 23, 2009
No more excuses
but thought it was worthwhile anyway....
God can't use you, remember:
Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
The Samaritan woman was divorced,
more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer, and
Lazarus was dead!
Now, no more excuses!
God can use you to your
full potential!
Are my kids the only ones who....
Whatever
whatever is RIGHT,
whatever is PURE,
whatever is LOVELY,
whatever is ADMIRABLE—
if anything is EXCELLENT
or PRAISEWORTHY
—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Casualties of War
Alex was the first casualty - vomiting and uncontrollable diarrhea that lasted a week. Twice during the week we thought he was over it, but they were false alarms. Poor kid. Luckily he's just fine now (although two pounds lighter).
Next it struck Harrison - but his only lasted about 12 hours.
Next Aaron was blindsided by this crippling bug. It hit him hard. It hit him fast. I think he's okay now (we haven't actually discussed it, though). I'm not positive ... but ... the Imodium and Kaopectate bottles are finally starting to build up a slight layer of dust on them.
And then ... without warning ... this crafty bug pulled together its top military strategists, and realized that the best way to bring this family to its knees in submission was to attack MOMMY. 'Cause once mommy is sick everything grinds to a halt! Just five hours of my first "attack," I phoned a girlfriend (it was 2 am) to come watch the kids. Aaron had to take me to the ER. I'll spare you the specifics, but I had lost enough fluid that I was in danger of some pretty serious heart problems - because of electrolyte imbalance and dehydration. The ER staff kindly gave me a room with its own bathroom, and hooked me up to an iv that dripped in VERY slowly to make sure I didn't develop cardiac overload (not quite sure what that entails, but it didn't sound good). I also took some pills to replace some of the stuff that my blood work said was too low. I was released by mid-morning, and my mother came to town later that day to take over the house and kids. I spent three days on the couch (that is when I wasn't visiting Mr. John). Finally today (Thursday) I feel almost like myself again - and mother's planning to leave tomorrow.
My goal was to write a post once a day for January. But this week I didn't have the energy to type one let alone think of what to say. So, guess I have some make up work to do. Not tonight though. It's late and I'm headed to bed. But for now - at least you know why I was so silent this week. And even though it was a long, tough final battle. The Feitners have finally won the war!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
I love you, darling!
Simple dinner and a movie.
It was the amazing conversation that made
both of us wonder if this might be "the one."
Around the Farm
Fun with Grandpa
Alex had a wonderful time playing outside with Grandpa - that is until the frigid temps became too much for him.... He LOVED Grandpa pulling him around on his new sled (thanks Aunt Jen for the wonderful gift)! They even went down a real hill (though by that point I had taken myself and freezing Harrison inside)!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Encouragement
Several months ago I was starting to get discouraged. You know the cycle - one discouraging thought leads to another, and if you don't "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5b), then before you know it you've spiraled downward into depression. So, I decided it was time for a personal intervention. I looked up lots of verses that had special significance with my health problems, but more importantly with the promise that God gave me that morning last February - the one that said that "this will end." I typed the verses and posted them above the light switches around the house. Tacky? Perhaps. But the constant encouragement I received each time I turned a light on or off - it was remarkable!
Here's a sampling of some of the verses I chose:
- Let us hold unswervingly to the hope that we profess, for he who promised is faithful. (Hebrews 10:23)
- Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)
- Being confident in this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it onto completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6)
- "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20
- I believe! Help me with my doubts. (Mark 9:24)
- "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
- There hath not failed one word of all his good promise. (1 Kings 8:56)
- But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you. (2 Thessalonians 3:3)
- I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done. (Psalm 118:17)
My Bible verses are still posted around the house. It's been probably 6 months since I hung them up, and they're still giving me daily encouragement. Do you need some encouragement today? What are you doing to make sure you get it?
The ABCs of Friendship
A Friend....
(A) Accepts you as you are
(B) Believes in "you"
(C) Calls you just to say "hi"
(D) Doesn't give up on you
(E) Envisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F) Forgives your mistakes
(G) Gives unconditionally
(H) Helps you
(I) Invites you over
(J) Just to "be" with you
(K) Keeps you close at heart
(L) Loves you for who you are
(M) Makes a difference in your life
(N) Never judges
(O) Offers support
(P) Picks you up
(Q) Quiets your fears
(R) Raises your spirits
(S) Says nice things about you
(T) Tells you the truth when you need to hear it
(U) Understands you
(V) Values you
(W) Walks beside you
(X) X-plains things you don't understand
(Y) Yells when you won't listen
(Z) Zaps you back to reality
Sunday, January 11, 2009
It's the little things
Yesterday Aaron came home with a beautiful bouquet of flowers! It was such a thoughtful gesture - especially since unexpected acts isn't one of his particular love languages. The fact that through the course of his day he thought about me, and decided to do something special to show me that he was thinking of me ... it meant so much!Last night was ... short ... rough. Alex is sick - we didn't know it until we heard him crying for us at 1:30 am. He woke up several times during the night with diarrhea and vomiting. Poor little guy. Once again Aaron showed that he loved me through this unpleasant experience. Each time he got up first to go clean him up, and then if it was a HUGE mess, he called me to come help too. But the fact that he got up first so I could rest a little (not that I was actually sleeping - I was waiting to hear him call for me) ... it meant so much!
It's the little things that say 'I love you.' It's the little things that show you care about the other person more than yourself. It's the little things that help to strengthen a marriage. It's the little things that add up to a very big thing. It's the little things that mean so much!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
"Mom, can I have the keys, please?"
It's both amazing and a bit saddening how quickly our kids grow up. I've been going through our closets (aka storage) this past week and this morning finally tackled the one in Alex's room which has old diaper boxes filled with his clothes from each former size. I remember when I put the very first onesie in the very first box, and now Harrison's already worn and outgrown the clothes in two of the boxes. Originally I wanted four kids. Because of my health problems I'm finished at two, and I've finally come to terms with that (I think I have, anyway). So each fuss, each poopy diaper I try to think, "that's the last one I'll hear/have to change of a child this age." Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not excited when it comes time to wrangle my active 10 month old, in a futile attempt to wipe his tush before he flips and crawls away at lightening speed. It's just that I'm awestruck that the time is going by so quickly.
December was a really busy month for us - as I'm sure it was for you too. Last night we finally found (or made) the time to do our final Christmas gift exchange with some friends. It had been a long time since we'd gotten together - far too long. Alex absolutely adores one of the gifts he received in particular - a blow-up car with balls in it. This morning when I watched him playing in it again, I suddenly had a flash-forward (can I make up that word?) of him when he's 16 and asking for the keys to our car, or begging for a car of his own.
He's going to grow up so quickly. I need to make sure that I MAKE the time for him now - the time to nurture him, to love on him, and to ignore the dirty dishes while I just PLAY with him. I'm sure there will come a time when he doesn't want me around - it's called being a teenager. But I want him to have the good memories of us having fun, of us bonding, of us talking about how our days were (at work, at school, etc.). I want him to WANT to come back and continue having a meaningful relationship with his parents. I don't mean that I want to be his "buddy" - I'm his mother. But I want to do what I can now so that I'll stay his mom, not just the woman who birthed him. I don't want our life to reflect the song "Cats in the Cradle."
Friday, January 9, 2009
In Honor of Eva G. Schock
"The Man in the Looking Glass"
When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn't your father or mother or wife
Whose judgement you must pass,
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
Some people might think you're a straight-shooting chum
And call you a wonderful guy.
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear to the end.
And you've passed your most dangerous test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway for years
And get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.
Author Unknown
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Hope for the Hopeless
But since then, the same song keeps coming to mind when I'm praying for other friends too. At first I thought it was just because I was associating it with hurting friends. I no longer think so. We all have pain in our lives - either currently, or previously, or in the near future. As Christians we can cling to the promise "...that IN all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). Even our insufficiency, our brokenness, our pain, our mistakes (even the BIG ones) - God will somehow use for GOOD in our life. But this is only a promise for those who who are trying to follow His will (or who had been once, and then truly become repentant).
I've had some rough days (emotionally) over the past year. When I was first hospitalized last February, I was relieved that someone was going to find out what was wrong with me and be able to fix it. But when the doctor came in and told me that he didn't think I'd live to see my son born (I was 33 weeks pregnant), my world came crashing down around me. But God brought me through. There is no earthly fix for what I have - except an eventual double lung transplant, and I'd only have a 35% chance of still being alive 5 years after the transplant. But just before that doctor "told me like it is," God, in His generosity and love verbally spoke to me and told me that "it will be okay. This will end." Since then He's confirmed over and over again that it WAS His voice I heard. I don't know how long I will be struggling with this terminal illness before he chooses to miraculously heal me, or what hard times I'll have to go through in the meantime. Nevertheless, I clung to those words through through the weeks of agony in the hospital - during the times when I literally was fighting for each and every breath - and during the months since while I'm struggling to regain a "normal" life - for me and for my family.
In Isaiah 46:4, it says "... I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you...." How reassuring to know that St. Augustine's "Ultimate Being," the Creator of the entire universe wants to and will sustain ME. He will CARRY me when I don't have the strength to take one more step, or even to stand. It is when I fall to my knees (in prayer, humbleness, submission, exhaustion, etc.) that He will gently pick me up. It doesn't say He will "hold me," it says "carry me" - He won't let me stay where I am, in my "dark place" (as a hurting friend recently so eloquently phrased it). He will move me to a place of safety, a place of comfort, a place of growth and even love and forgiveness.
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way He will make a way
By a roadway in the wilderness
He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His word will still remain
He will do something new today
God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way He will make a way
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Little Treats
I have been extremely productive the past week or so. This past year has been very difficult for our family, and now that it's a new year (though not quite a year since I was hospitalized) it's time for a new start. Aaron and I both feel the need to purge. We've been going through our closets which are basically our only storage (5 done, 2 more to go) and throwing out what we really don't need or use. Tomorrow's trash pick-up includes things like the cards I received when I graduated from High School and candles whose scent I loved, but the wicks are all used up. The things that can be appreciated by other people (like the shoes I wore when I was 9 months pregnant with Alex and my feet were swollen a whole size bigger) are being passed onto friends or the Salvation Army. There's a cool website I found that lists the value you can ascribe to donations. We get a blank receipt from them, and then we list what was donated and the value. It comes off our taxes! If you donate more than $5000 a year there's extra paperwork needed, but anything less than that just needs a receipt from the Salvation Army / Thrift Store. Check it out sometime: http://www.goodwill.org/c/document_library/get_file?folderId=102123&name=DLFE-2302.pdf
We've also been purging some non-tangible things in our lives, and making some changes individually and as a family. We have a vision of what we want our lives to look like 1 -3 - 5 - 10 years from now. So, anything that doesn't help us get there is being eliminated (or added to our routine if needed - like daily devotions). I spend quite a bit of time conversing with God daily, and over the past year have learned to hear His voice. But I don't spend specific time reading the Bible daily. This is an area in need of improvement for me.
Next week begins our normal routine again (Bible Study, MOPS, etc.), and I'm hoping that I can stay as productive has I have been recently. The fact that Aaron took of work from Christmas to New Years, and was around to help more with the kiddos definitely helped me stretch my energy further. There are so many projects I want to tackle, that I'm hoping my energy holds up. I'm also enjoying my daily hot cocoa, so maybe looking forward to that will help keep me motivated too! But just in case I get tired of the cocoa, do you have any suggestions of another little treat I could try?
Monday, January 5, 2009
Love Letter
by John William Waterhouse
Written by Ludwig van Beethoven...
(Excerpts)
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. ...
Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.